Alzheimer"s Action Day: Fostering Healthy Relationships with Grandparents

The idea of writing this blog emerged as I was taking a community seminar for the elderly in our hospital in Shalimar Bagh today. As I spoke about the mental health and related concerns for the elderly as a part of the Fortis Alzheimer's Action Day initiative, we came to discuss the sadness experienced on account of the absence and lack of involvement with their grandchildren. So I thought why not write on this forum, where parents come and look towards ways of enhancing the quality of life of their children and share some of the ideas that were shared today and what my thoughts are about some of these aspects.

What A Large Proportion of Grandparents Experience

For a large proportion of grandparents, their experience of the time that they spend with their grandchildren frequently makes them feel more like caretakers and nannies, and not as people who deserve love, respect and care. They miss spending time that is unstructured and free of structured activities that need to be completed, craving to enjoy some of the simpler pleasures with their grandchildren. 

At the same time, we have a large segment of grandparents who remain cut off entirely from the pleasures of being involved in the lives of their grandchildren. This of course is a sad reflection of the increasing nuclearisation of families within our society, where more and more of us have moved away from our parental homes, setting up our own independent spaces, leaving behind parents who continue to crave for attention and support.

This is not to say, that all there is is only bad experiences for all individuals who are elderly, but these probably are the most disturbing elements. Most grandparents, would and do love to do the maximum they can for their grandchildren. They tend to be more than willing to go out of their way to take care of things. And yes, at times this does tend to border on the tendency to spoil the grandkids which can be an area of concern for us as parents.

 How Can Grandparents Contribute to the Life of Your Child

Many a times we forget the important role that a grandparent can play in the life of our child. Whatever may be said and done, it is a fact that a grandparent has a plethora of information and has enriching experiences which can be shared. Their view of life, though different from the current times, tends to bring with a knowledge and an understanding that encompasses several different views and perspectives.

Having a bond can significantly benefit the child, as they can socialize grandchildren into the cultural heritage and family history, things which we may not be able to provide. Thus, they enable the transmission of family values and beliefs, things which you yourself have been raised to believe in and engage with. At the same time, their presence and continuous support in the family life cycle provides a great strength and stability to the grandchildren and to the family as a whole. 

Bridging the Gap: Your Role as Parents

Parents act like gatekeepers, forming the bridge that connects the grandchildren with their grandparents. The more contact and closeness you have with them, the better the relationship between the grandchildren and the grandparents as well. Your positivity and ability to balance between the two plays the most important role as there are multiple ways in which grandparents and grandchildren can connect to each other, whether it is on account of affection, affiliation, roles and positions, sentiments, or the sheer support they may provide to each other.

A large number of problems tend to occur on account of the much talked about generation gap. Regardless of belonging to different generations, any two people tend to have differing perspective, which impact their relatedness to each other. Providing more opportunities for interactions and sharing of experiences is an essential to help bridge this gap.

If there is a difference in opinion then talk about it. Yes it is sometimes difficult to get through, but it is easier than just cutting yourself away from your parents. Find ways of communicating and sharing and be calm and respectful. It may take some time, but eventually they would listen and your patience would play a particularly important role in doing so. Discuss the rules with them rather than just pushing them through so that they feel to be a part of the decision making process and do take their opinion on the same. If you get them on your side and work with them rather than against them, it would make things much easier.

Uphold their respect and dignity in your house. If you are in disagreement with them, discuss it with them in the absence of children rather than having a shouting match in front of them. How you behave with them will strongly determine their quality of relationship with the grandchildren.

Grandparenting is thus essentially "Grand"...so allow them to be a significant part of your child's life. This Alzheimer's Action Day enhance the mental health and well-being of the grandparents by enhancing the quality of their relationship with their grandchildren, your children.

Learning Problems in Children: The Way Forward

Academics are a significant part of any child's life and excelling in academics is an integral first step to success in life as each future step tends to be contingent upon how you may have performed in your school. Very frequently, however, we do come across children who tend to have some difficulties related to learning. It's aspects though known to many, particularly through the movie Taare Zameen Par, still tend to baffle many parents and students alike, as they are not always aware of what needs to be done or what can be done.

The fact is that the process of learning can be impeded due to various factors and at various stages. Problems can happen on account of either a difficulty in understanding or comprehension, or due to difficulties in grasping concepts or due to problems in retention due to the use of ineffective strategies for memorising.

Numerous times, even though as parents we understand where the problem resides, we are not able to either explan it to the child or to the school or we are not able to develop alternate approaches to teaching which would be ale to take care of the deficits. Learning disabilities form a significant proportion of the problems that children face, accounting for about 2-3% of the problems experienced by school aged children.

What is Learning Disability
Learning Disability, or LD, as it is commonly referred to, is a neurological condition, which essentially means that there is a difference in the way in which a child's brain is wired to learn and grasp concepts. The problem in learning can be in reading, spelling, writing, comprehension, mathematical abilities and in memorising.

Having a Learning Disability does not indicate a problem in intellectual capacity or intelligence. In fact, the criteria for being diagnosed with LD includes having a normal intellectual quotient or IQ, which rubbishes the myth that many individuals have relating to intellectual deficits in thos echo have LD.

What are the Common Types of Learning Disabilities
LD consists of different subtypes which include the following:

Dysgraphia - it is a writing disability in which an individual finds it difficult to structure and form alphabets and words and also finds it difficult to write within a defined space.

Dyslexia - is a condition in which individuals have a difficulty in reading and understanding written words.

Dyscalculia - is a difficulty in grasping and working with numbers and mathematical concepts.

Auditory and Visual Processing Disorders - these are conditions in which individuals have difficulty processing language despite normal vision and hearing.

What Are the Signs to Identify a Learning Disability
Learning problems in children can be identified as early as in preschool. For a lot of children who are at a young age, disabilities tend to show themselves in the form of difficulty in communication with a slow rate in the development of speech due to which children also do not engage in play with other children. As a child grows older and starts pre-primary and primary classes, the difficulty tends to be in forming alphabets and numbers, with frequent reversals or mirroring of the same.there tends to be a confusion between words or arithmetic signs along with a problem in memorisation.

In middle school, spellings become a significant complaint and writing can also be a concern wherein a child refuses to write, ignores grammar and punctuation or at times reading may become a difficult task with a child not being able to utilize phonetics to form words and would ignore punctuation while reading as well. In high school these problems only worsen and the adolescent experiences a worsening of grades at each subsequent level and conceptual understanding of concepts tends to be weak making picking up of new material more difficult. As a result, some of these children can become more inattentive as they are not able to understand and grasp things or they can have behavioral problems as their restlessness may increase as well.

What Can You Do?
As a parent it is important that you be able to pick up the early signs of a problem with learning. Frequently we do not give much weightage to what is being told to us by teachers as we may feel that they are not doing their job well. However, as a parent it is your responsibility to ensure that if there are problems which are being reported by the school then you too try and look into them. If problems are ignored for too long they only worsen with time and tend to impinge into behavior and conduct issues in the future if left unchecked at an early stage.

Discussing with the class teacher and the school counsellor is an important first step and if the same feedback is being received from everyone regarding your child's academic performance, then it would be important that you consult a Clinical Psychologist registered with the RCI to get an evaluation which would give an accurate understanding of where the problem lies so that work can start in helping solve the difficult areas for your child.

In most cases, where the problem is purely learning related, the work tends to circle around a special educator. When there are motor issues or problems with inattention or distractibility, a lot of times an occupational therapist may be needed in conjunction with a special educator. And in case there are behavioral problems, the work with the child would be done in collaboration with the psychologist who did the evaluation.

At each stage, regardless of who the specialist is who is working with your child, do ensure that you are also involved and know about the work that is happening. Typically in working in the area of academics, motor functioning or even behavioral problems, the support of the parents is strongly indicated to ensure that what is being worked upon in sessions is also being followed at home. So you should ensure that you too understand the processes that are being utilized with your child so you too can implement the same, which would allow for a smooth transition when session with the child need to be suspended as well.

Do also ensure that your specialist is in touch with your child's teacher or school counsellor so that everyone who is working with your child is on the same page. Frequently, the mistake that happens is that there are too many people who are working but no one is working collaboratively with each other which creates significant problems for the child who ends up being pulled in different directions.

So be an advocate for your child and also remember that the ultimate aim is your child's enhanced performance at school along with behavioral competence!